InÂ one ofÂ her recent articles, â€™How toÂ let miracles happen inÂ your life, orÂ life without expectationsâ€™, author ofÂ self-help training courses Evgeniya Medvedeva considers the importance ofÂ setting your mind free from constant expectations, and what the results ofÂ this canÂ be.
WeÂ reproduce some ofÂ her thoughts here, inÂ the hope that they might contribute toÂ your understanding ofÂ how toÂ lead aÂ fulfilling, joy-filled life free from needless complications and worries.
â€™Iâ€™ve broken myÂ habit ofÂ constantly expecting things toÂ happen…Â And atÂ that momentÂ I felt relieved, like Iâ€™d just started actually living myÂ life instead ofÂ thinking how toÂ liveÂ it. Iâ€™ve stopped expecting anything from myself…Until thenÂ I lived according toÂ the extremely harmful expectation thatÂ I was just about toÂ reach myÂ full potentialÂ â€” thatÂ I would become so-and-so, write aÂ hundred articlesÂ or, even better, ten books, would create something wonderful and soÂ onÂ and soÂ forth.
Iâ€™ve stopped expecting any results from myself.Â Iâ€™ve stopped expecting anything from othersÂ â€” that they will appreciateÂ me, will doÂ something forÂ me, will beÂ responsible orÂ kind toÂ me…Iâ€™ve stopped expecting things from myÂ partnerÂ â€” that they will suddenly come toÂ understand meÂ and doÂ asÂ IÂ please…
Iâ€™ve stopped expecting that more and more money will appear, having accepted the amountÂ I already have. Iâ€™ve stopped expecting things from life and demanding that life give meÂ something…Until this pointÂ I felt unfairly excluded from its joysÂ â€” likeÂ I try soÂ hard while others have better lives and receive more without doing anything.
Also, Iâ€™ve stopped expecting that tomorrow everything will beÂ fine and that one day there will come aÂ point whenÂ I wonâ€™t have any more problems. The part ofÂ meÂ which isÂ naÃ¯ve and childish always wanted peace and tranquillity. This was until the adult inÂ meÂ realised that peace and tranquillity come from the inside rather than from the external absence ofÂ things toÂ doÂ orÂ problems toÂ solve.
Overall, Iâ€™ve stopped expecting anything atÂ all…It really doesnâ€™t matter toÂ meÂ what happens next. IÂ used toÂ think that itÂ was essential toÂ make sure that only good things happen, that everything has toÂ beÂ perfect. AtÂ that time, IÂ had aÂ fear ofÂ dealing with somethingÂ I wouldnâ€™t beÂ able toÂ cope with…I let goÂ ofÂ expectations about the future, having told myself: “What willÂ be, willÂ be. Everything will work out for the best.”
OfÂ course, IÂ have some plans thatÂ I want toÂ implement but Iâ€™ve realised that they are laughable compared toÂ the opportunities life has inÂ store forÂ me.
Expectations concentrate your energy onÂ one thing atÂ aÂ time, orÂ atÂ most onÂ aÂ few possible optionsÂ â€” asÂ aÂ rule, these tend toÂ beÂ the things already set inÂ concrete inÂ your mind. They keep your energy away from moving forward, and they prevent your life away from bringing you the very best…And the best things are, asÂ aÂ rule, those things that you donâ€™t expect atÂ all.
IÂ had permanent expectations, and the result was that inÂ myÂ mind there was aÂ series ofÂ events that needed toÂ happenÂ â€” soÂ myÂ brain worked hard toÂ follow this plan, and God forbidÂ I miss something.
The question â€™How?â€™ was coming across myÂ mind all the time: â€™How? How? How?â€™
How toÂ achieve myÂ plans? The interesting thing isÂ thatÂ I had noÂ answers toÂ this question. andÂ I got most ofÂ them whenÂ I didnâ€™t think about â€™howâ€™ atÂ all. After all, IÂ wanted toÂ know everything beforehand, but that never happens.
Before starting toÂ doÂ somethingÂ I used toÂ feel the need toÂ get through aÂ preparatory process, which was very long and painful. Sometimes itÂ took soÂ long thatÂ I was too worn out toÂ doÂ anything inÂ the end. IÂ was investing aÂ lot ofÂ time into this process; soÂ much time thatÂ I didnâ€™t want toÂ doÂ anything else afterwards.
Itâ€™s like when you hit the books before anÂ examÂ â€” byÂ the time you take the actual exam, youâ€™re too worn out toÂ doÂ your best. Being very tired ofÂ this â€™straight-A studentâ€™ mindset, IÂ allowed the revolution toÂ happen insideÂ me:
Let itÂ happens asÂ itÂ happens…Oh myÂ goodness, IÂ felt soÂ relieved atÂ that momentÂ â€” itÂ didnâ€™t matter â€™howâ€™ anymore… IÂ calmed down straight away.Â ItÂ will beÂ asÂ itÂ willÂ be…
Since then, IÂ can honestly say that miracles have occurred inÂ myÂ life:
- Iâ€™ve started understanding myself better and new ideas are coming toÂ me. Iâ€™ve started toÂ heed myÂ thoughts and realised thatÂ I can implement myÂ ideas even whenÂ I donâ€™t know howÂ to. IÂ just went forward and worked out whatÂ I needed toÂ doÂ inÂ the process.
- Iâ€™ve started toÂ achieve many more things thanÂ I did earlier; inÂ complete contrast toÂ the wayÂ I used toÂ prepare for actions and projects first and then bailed, resulting inÂ very little getting done. IÂ was surprised, too, toÂ find thatÂ I achieve much better results now thanÂ I usedÂ to.
- Iâ€™ve started toÂ ask for thingsÂ I need atÂ the moment when theyâ€™re needed, and Iâ€™ve given upÂ demanding thingsÂ I donâ€™t need, without expecting others toÂ understand.
- IÂ have aÂ lot ofÂ things going onÂ atÂ the moment, toÂ the extent thatÂ I can barely keep upÂ â€” IÂ just have soÂ many things toÂ do! Moreover, IÂ now manage toÂ doÂ everything with minimal effort. InÂ addition, Iâ€™ve started toÂ determine how and when important things happen myself, instead ofÂ just reacting toÂ the things that happen toÂ me.
- Iâ€™ve started meeting lots ofÂ interesting people. Iâ€™m surprised that Iâ€™m getting acquainted with new people everywhereÂ â€” inÂ the street, inÂ the supermarket orÂ inÂ the elevatorÂ â€” and atÂ the same timeÂ I never think about â€™How toÂ become acquainted with [x]?â€™ anymore.
- How many times haveÂ I felt recently that Iâ€™ve been inÂ the right place atÂ the right time! Individual events started toÂ form aÂ series ofÂ events and led meÂ toÂ the thingsÂ I really needed atÂ that exact moment.
- This may sound trivial, but the size ofÂ myÂ average supermarket shop has fallen more orÂ less byÂ half. IÂ used toÂ buy soÂ many things, and itÂ was never enough enough. Now IÂ buy far fewer, but higher quality products. Being more rational and having less ofÂ aÂ need for â€™thingsâ€™, Iâ€™m sure, isÂ inÂ some way connected toÂ myÂ new frame ofÂ mind.
Many things came into myÂ life byÂ themselves. Iâ€™ve even achieved certain things and ideas which earlier onÂ didnâ€™t work out, despite myÂ ardent desire for them toÂ doÂ so. IÂ never used toÂ appreciate the things that life had inÂ store for meÂ atÂ that moment, and instead but complained that life was so-so, that the world didnâ€™t care about meÂ and gave meÂ nothing.But the truth isÂ thatÂ I just didnâ€™t notice any ofÂ its gifts, becauseÂ I was expecting something good toÂ happen all the time and trying too hard toÂ find anÂ answer the eternal question “How?”
Everything turned out toÂ beÂ way simpler thanÂ I ever thought itÂ was: thanks toÂ myÂ decision toÂ accept myÂ lack ofÂ control over and understanding ofÂ how things will happen orÂ turn out, IÂ have managed toÂ let goÂ ofÂ all myÂ expectations, insteadÂ I now simply believe that things will work out for the best. Iâ€™ve started toÂ feel lifeÂ flow, how itÂ fluctuates, comprehend its lack ofÂ permanence, and toÂ respond toÂ things that life has inÂ store for meÂ right now.â€™